a digital inquiry

Lost Inside

And what if I decided not to…

What if I decided not to turn in those assignments or finish that commission album cover, I never actually started?
What if I decided to cancel and forget about the podcast I just put out, that is quietly sitting, unheard, and almost forgotten in the midst of a pandemic. What if I decided not to respond to the text messages discussing anything besides God right now, because really that is all that is on my mind. What if I decided, instead, to focus on my soul? To focus on that part of us that we love to leave neglected until it starts hurting and the pain bleeds into our lives. A lot of the time when things get bad and you find your every action in question, whether or not things make sense or should be done, or add up, or when your heart just hurts too much and the same questions arise over and over again; a lot of the time, it does not necessarily mean that things are going to get better. Not yet anyway. You are going to need to work really, truly, incredibly hard to first find the root cause of it, because chances are, whatever you think was the cause, was not it. This was just the last straw on the camel’s back that set fire to your heart. You are going to have to pry, deep into your conscience, and all the places you worked so hard to cover up and forget. All the confliction, traumas, unanswered questions, unfortunate realities, that you may have swept under the rug. It is not exactly easy being stuck with oneself while the whole world is losing their footing. The earth is literally shaking beneath us while we try and hold onto something or someone that makes sense, but no one makes any sense anymore. The option for complaint is limited, for it can truly be much worse just down the street, and enjoyment becomes difficult because one is constantly reminded. Maintenance has become our only pastime. Work is only work because we want to feel normal. Families at home are affixed to their screens, tallying hours they waste as quality time. Schools are trying their best to prepare students for ignorance. The news is praying that America deteriorates like its people. Earth is not exactly happy; she is only angrier now knowing this is what we could have been.

Earth is not exactly happy; she is only angrier now knowing this is what we could have been.